Power Plays

Who's bullying you?

hey! what's going on?!

If you'd like to be able to handle difficult situations without striking out, and without sucking it up... without dominating or submitting... without being an... ass or a doormat...

If you'd like to be able to handle yourself with class and style you can be proud of - and other people will admire - let's explore the piece of the puzzle known as Power Plays.

Power Plays in Action

What are 'Power Plays'?

Sometimes the way people cope with a situation they don't like or want is to manipulate/coerce/force others to do what they want using Power Plays.

Power Plays: 
tactics used to manipulate/coerce/force the power play-ee 
to do what the power play-er wants them to do, 
regardless of what the power play-ee wants.
(or would want if they knew the reality of the situation)

For example;

• Discounting
• Judging
• Dictating
• Evaluating
• Manipulating
• Diverting
• Confusing
• Avoiding
• Excluding
• Deceiving
• Guilting, and
• Intimidating.

ouch! that hurts!

WGO: Power Plays in Action 

Here's some examples of power plays in action...

Discounting 

Discounting that a problem or options; 

• Even exists
• Is significant
• Can be changed at all, and/or
• Can be changed by you!

Discounting - Existence 

"What problem?" 
"There is no problem!" 
(when there is!)

Discounting - Significance 

"It's not a problem." 
"It's not significant." 
"It doesn't matter."
"It's not a big deal." 
(when it is!)

Discounting - Possibility of Change 

"It can't be changed." 
"The decision's been made." 
"It's out of my hands." 
"There's nothing I can do about it."
(when there is!)

Discounting - Possibility YOU can Change 

"There's nothing you can do about it." 
"You can't change it." 
"You're stuck with it." 
(when there really are other options!)

Judging 
Sitting in judgement of others based on what the 'judge' considers;
Right/wrong, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable
appropriate/inappropriate. 

"You're wrong!" 
"You don't do it like that!" 
(because you're not doing it like me!)

"You're right!" 
"You did the right thing!" 
(because you did it like tme!)

Dictating 
Dictating to people what to do, what they 'should' do,
and how to do it. 

Includes; 
Setting limits, 
making rules and decisions,
dictating permissions & injunctions. 
(what people 'can' and 'can't' do). 

"Just do it!" 
"Do it like this!" 
"You need to do this!" 
"Yes. I'm telling you what to do!" 
(and how to do it!)

Evaluating 
Evaluating behaviour based on the judge's assessment of how well people 'measure up' against criteria set by the judge. 

Includes; 
Labeling, demonizing, idealizing. 

"I've reviewed your 'performance' and 
evaluated it against my criteria..." 
"I approve. That means you're good." 
"I disapprove. That means you're bad." 

Manipulating 
Manipulating behaviour using coercion &/or force. 

Includes; 
Praise & criticism, 
pedestals & putdowns, 
rewards & punishments. 
"I'll encourage behaviour I want, and 
discourage behaviour I don't, using coercion, force, 
putdowns & pedestals, rewards & punishments!" 

"If you do what I want, you'll benefit." 
"If you don't do what I want, you'll suffer." 

Diverting 
Diverting attention to avoid responsibility and accountability. 

Includes; 
Deflecting, distracting, changing the subject, 
turning the tables, comparing, undoing. 

"Oh! Look over there!" 
"Well, what about you?!" 
"I bought you a present!" 

any of those familiar?! how about these?

Confusing 

Confusing people and/or the issue. 

Includes; 
Abuse of logic, discrediting a premise, discrediting sources, feigning shock, feigning disbelief, interrupting, fast-talking, bombarding, ambushing, hijacking, embarrassing, humiliating, reframing, redefining, baffling, Socratic questioning*. 
*badgering with questions to 'force' people to a predetermined outcome. 

"So if X = Y then..." 
"And that means..." 
"So it's not a question of A, it's a question of B." 
"Isn't it?!" 

Avoiding 
Avoiding people and/or the issue. 

Includes; 
Evading, changing the subject, distracting with red herrings - including humour, ignoring, pretending not to hear, pretending to be asleep! withdrawing, hiding, being late, having 'emergencies'. 

"Later." 
"I don't want to talk about it." 
"I'm not talking about this." 

Excluding 
Purposely excluding people for personal gain. 

Includes; 
Alienating and isolating using gossip, nastiness, sarcasm, arrogance. 

"Did you hear what she did?!" 
"He's/you're a @#$%!" 
"You're not invited." 
"Oh! You think so, do you?" 

Deceiving 
Lies of commission - fabricating information, 
Lies of omission - withholding information. 

Includes; 
Misleading with half truths, spinning, evasions, secrets, little white lies, bold-faced lies, whoppers, gossip, rumor, honesty passed off as a lie or a joke, over-promising and under-delivering, bait and switch, offering one thing and delivering another. 

"I was at work." 
"It was only a drink." 
"You do X and I'll do Y." 
(you deliver and they don't!) 

Guilting 
Preying on a persons care and concern for others to create feelings of responsibility for what isn't their responsibility. 

Includes; 
guilt trips, shaming, obligating. 

"After all I've done for you!" 
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" 
"You owe me!" 

Intimidating 
Intimidating with physical, verbal, mental, emotional, and financial, social harm or threats of harm. 

Includes; 
ultimatums, sarcasm, criticism, insults, labels, putdowns, denigrate, embarrass, humiliate, frighten. 

"You're a ..... (whatever)!" 
"All or nothing" 
"Take it or leave it." 
"You do, and you'll be sorry!" 
"Just try me (and see what happens)!" 
"You don't know what you're talking about!" 

OMG!

Power Plays amount to the power play-er avoiding the reality of what's going on with power play-ee and manipulating/coercing/forcing the power play-ee to give up what they want; and do what the power play-er wants.

Which means the power play-er gets what they want - at the expense of the power play-ee! ouch!

 

WGO Video - Power Plays: 

eek?!

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