CCC's for PPO's

Cool, Calm, Collected Responses to Behaviours that Peeve People Off

Following on from the PPO's listed in the previous post (PPO's being behaviours that Peeve People Off!); here's some ideas on how to respond...

As a reminder, here's our list of the top 10 PPO's; People ...

• PPO#10: Taking priority over you/others
• PPO#9: Making assumptions about you/others
• PPO#8: Drawing conclusions about you/others
• PPO#7: Forcing responsibilities on you/others
• PPO#6: Taking responsibilities from you/others
• PPO#5: Setting limits and dictating rules & imposing them on you/others
• PPO#4: Making decisions & imposing them on you/others
• PPO#3: Demanding compliance and obedience from you/others
• PPO#2: Manipulating you/others behaviour with rewards/punishments
• PPO#1: Abusing power to get you/others to do what they want.

Common defensive reactions to PPO's result from taking it personally; and striking out (by attacking others) or sucking it up - as a way to protect ourselves.

Before we go getting hot under the collar about what people seem to be doing, and using either of these strategies, here's a suggestion:

Check it out!

That means turning our attention to whatever it is people seem to be doing, and check it out. We do it by reflecting back to people what we think is happening - as a QUESTION (not an accusation!). For example;

• You're making assumptions about me/them?
• You're drawing to conclusions about me/them?
• Are you trying to force your responsibilities on me/them?
• You're trying to manipulate me/them with rewards and punishments?

Get the idea?

If people claim not to be doing it, we can simply respond;

• No? Ok then. (and move on) 'where were we...'

Whatever's happening, to check it out is a simple 2-step process;

1. Use a question frame, for example;

• Are you ...
• Are you trying to ...
• You're ...
• You're trying to ...

2. Add whatever it is people seem to be doing;

• taking priority over me/them?
• making assumptions about me/them?
• drawing conclusions about me/them?
• forcing your responsibilities on me/them?
• taking responsibilities from me/them?
• setting limits and dictating rules & imposing them on me/them?
• making decisions & imposing them on me/them?
• demanding compliance and obedience from me/them?
• manipulating my/their behaviour with rewards/punishments.
• abusing your power to get me/them to do what you want?

If people aren't doing what you think they're doing - it's a good thing to have cleared the air ... to have set the record straight.

If people are doing what you think they're doing, this simple technique is often enough to stop the behaviour in it's tracks. And if it doesn't ... there's more about it in the book: 'What's Going On?' An Exploration of Communication: What Hurts and What Works.

Read more about it here

Buy the book here

Since it's Christmas, you're welcome to download it for free with my compliments. Happy Christmas!

If you're willing to share your thoughts on it - I'd love to hear them.

Look forward to your comments.

XS